The Sound of Silence
The Surprising Challenges of Freelancer Freedom After Full-Time Employment
This is a special guest post by Kay Steven, a Being In-Between course alum who has been nurturing her relationship with stillness after her career transition from full-time employment to freelancing from home.
“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.” ― Blaise Pascal
In my six decades on the planet I have hit many tipping points for leaving a situation, a job, a community, a relationship.
Some have felt planned and calm. Others have felt painful, driven by feelings of overwhelm and a sense of urgency and the need to escape. Most have been preceded by a steady build- up of discontent, frustration, stress and a sense of ‘enough already’ before I decided to exit the situation.
The last time I felt those telltale signs was a few years ago, when I was working as a manager in the public sector. But this time there was something new in the mix: a heightened sense of my own mortality. In the space of two years I had experienced two significant bereavements.
I kept thinking about my potential life expectancy. If I lived as long as my parents - maybe I had 15 or so years left on the planet. This thought nagged at me as I coped with a job that was often ‘doing my head in’.
Although I was well-practised at reframing work situations and ‘pushing through’, I found that one day, I couldn’t make the case to myself for staying. I resigned.
My plan was to become a freelancer: I thought a mix of coaching and consultancy would be fulfilling and financially rewarding but with a lighter workload. I wanted free time and less busyness and oh yes, sleep.
I thought the step into freelance work would be like starting a new job; that I’d feel a mix of excitement, disorientation and being deskilled. But then at some point, I’d find myself in some sort of flow. But it’s been 18 months now and I’m still not at that place of ‘flow’.
Here’s what actually happened.
I secured freelance work and found myself with time to rest and pursue some of my interests. It was what I wanted.
But surprisingly, I found it difficult having extra time on my hands. After the initial relief of not going into the office with a long-to- do list, I felt lost and very tired.
I now feel that I have found a better balance. Here are my reflections on what can ease the transition into a new career, especially for those going from full-time employment to freelance work.
My Observations
The silence can be shocking.
I was used to the buzz of a busy office. Now, suddenly, my days were filled with silence. There is no water cooler in my house; there are no interruptions, gossip, unexpected problems to solve. What had been previous sources of frustration turned into a nostalgic longing for sound.
I spent the first six months of my freelance career listening to new sounds on podcasts. It helped fill the silence and tend to the loneliness I felt, which was at times overwhelming. It took a while for the intensity of those feelings to recede and they still sneak up on me.
Creating time for hobbies can be tricky.
When I was resigning from my corporate job, I told myself: “It will be fantastic. You will have so much time to garden, people watch, write, do nothing, read and make textiles.”
But initially, I found it very difficult to motivate myself to engage with any of my interests. I was mentally and physically restless. I was also afraid of falling behind with the latest developments in my many areas of interest. I binged on podcasts, webinars, networking events and articles about mental health, emotional intelligence, team dynamics and organisational change. I had no time for hobbies!
Over time, I started to find a balance; key to this was prioritising both rest and hobbies. This is a work in progress.
Don’t recreate your old constraints in your newfound freedom. Leave the house and wander.
Despite having complete freedom of time as a freelancer, I found myself in my old work mode: spending all day sitting at the computer. It felt familiar. I was giving my body the message “You are ok - you are working - you can do this.”
I also found it all too easy to get stuck indoors. While I was employed, I had to leave the house every day to commute to the office. But my career transition was tiring, and often it felt like too much of an effort to get out unless it was for essential errands.
Then one day, I thought: “Stuff this! Been there, done that. What’s the point of leaving corporate life to create a carbon copy?” And then I started to shake up my schedule.
I left the house. I wandered. I daydreamed. I moved through the streets without a plan and people-watched. Sometimes I took a train and just gazed out the window.
One of the best discoveries of the last year is how wandering and dreaming are essential, enjoyable and calming. Thoughts and ideas may percolate - but that is not the point. The intention is to faff about and notice what’s around you: to be present in your space. I was finding my northern flanneur.
Learn to enjoy silence and aloneness
My northern flanneur helped me take time to find quiet places and to nurture silence. I found silence to be healing and desirable, but also uncomfortable.
Why is it so hard to be alone? I am no guru but my reflection is that the rhythms and vibes of corporate life hang around and take time to disappear into the distance. I liken it to grief. The shock and aftershocks of grief take time to carve and hammer out a space in your mind and body. Over time grief is less dominant and demanding. Neurons are rewired and the body calms down.
Let go of the voicces of ghosts from the past.
In the movie Truly Madly Deeply, Nina can’t cope with the death of her lover and he returns to her as a house-bound ghost. Nina has to live a split life - going out to work and rushing home to be with her lover’s ghost. One of the funniest parts of the film is when her lonely lover invites his friends from the other side to join him. The ghosts fill the house. I often felt that my house was filled with ghosts from the past too.
Leaving corporate life is just the start. Uninvited ghosts ( status, salary, uncertainty, the inner critic etc) show up to distract and suck the life out of us. What helped me was to understand that many of these ghosts no longer serve me; and their voices are no longer present in my head.
The decision to resign from full-time employment and choose a freelance career triggered a significant transition in how I live and work. I am befriending silence and my own company and learning to remain connected to people, ideas and projects.
Kay would love to hear how you managed your transition. Message her directly here.
Been through a career transition? Share your story to support others in the same boat.
I’m now inviting guest bloggers — email me for details.
If you’re feeling stuck in your career transition, seeking more clarity, Being In-Between’s one-to-one coaching and career transitions course can help. Unlike traditional career programs that focus solely on job search tactics, my approach integrates mindfulness, self-discovery and behavioural insights to help you move forward with confidence and ease. You’ll gain the tools to navigate uncertainty, make aligned decisions and walk your own path. Email, book a free consultation or explore the course to start moving forwards today.
